Vampiranity

Though a doctor of science, I once decided to give religion a try. If some idea has billions of people following it, it must be doing something right, right? Given the part of the world I'm in, the religious scene is predominantly Christian, so that seemed to be the way to go.

Here are my thoughts on it.

If we're going to live our lives by a very old book with no evidence to back it up, why the bible? Sure the bible has its share of action scenes, people being turned into pillars of salt, cities being destroyed, etc, etc, but on the whole it's a little too preachy for my liking. And the boring parts way outnumber the exciting parts.

To this end, I've decided to live my life by Bram Stoker's Dracula. It's an old book, and it has no evidence at all for its claims, so it satisfies the criteria as I see them for a Holy Book. Also it has vampires, something the bible is sorely lacking. What is more badass than vampires?

After meticulously studying the holy text for the religion I am dubbing "Vampiranity", I have composed a list of Three Commandments:

Commandment the First: Vampires exist.
Commandment the Second : Always travel in sunlight.
Commandment the Third: Always carry a stake.

In Vampiranity, we believe that one of two things happen when you die. You enter a restful, endless, sleeplike state. Or, you become one of the living undead. Break any of the Three Commandments and you are at risk of spending eternity sucking blood and never seeing the light of day again. The death that comes from exposure to sunlight after undeath is much worse a fate than undeath itself.

Now, some might argue that we've never seen a vampire. Have we ever seen a proton? I have complete faith that the computer I'm writing this on functions completely without assuming that protons exist. And you can't counter that with evidence because faith means believing in something even when there's overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Also, you can't say that Vampires don't exist, because that's offensive to my beliefs.